PSN will be back online any day now (well… fingers crossed), but we need a back up plan for how to cope in-case this happens again. Ten important steps to safeguard us from making crazy decisions like going outside, getting sunburnt, or even staying home pressing the ’sign-in’ button, hoping it works for so long that you forget to get your girlfriend an Easter egg and end up getting a kitten from the farm down the road because it’s closer than Sainsbury’s. Her name’s Kairi by the way.
1: Create something awesome
We’re all guilty of it. Having amazing ideas leading up to the release of games like Little Big Planet 2 and ModNation Racers, then not bothering because we’re overwhelmed by the creations of other players. Well, why not take some time out to get used to the creation tools and really put some effort into creating something you’ll be proud to publish online once normal service resumes? There are plenty of online guides out there to simplify everything and the forum community are always welcoming. ModNation in particular is very user-friendly with a neat track-editor and an even simpler car or racer creator.
2: Finish Final Fantasy XIII
If it wasn’t for the fact that Final Fantasy XIII is getting a direct sequel, not to mention numerous spin-offs, I’d probably say we should just let it go. But we are, so I can’t. Sure the Stagger metre is a complete shit of a creation and the world is overly linear. But remember the story and my god this game is incredibly gorgeous and sometimes the Paradigm system clicks beautifully when you get it right. I feel like a bastard right now for only putting about 30 hours into it. Alternatively, if someone could point me in the direction of somewhere to watch a compilation of the story cutscenes I might settle for that. Don’t judge me.
3: Break out the Moves
Don’t go outside, it’s rubbish. If you insist on getting some exercise then dust off the PlayStation Move controllers. The best game is still the mighty Sports Champions with bouts of table tennis and archery providing a great workout. If you’d like to take a seat, why not enjoy Killzone 3 in the most immersive way to enjoy this killer FPS title? If you’re after something a little newer then try out Virtua Tennis 4. We’ll have a review for that one very soon by the way.
4: Watch an incredible looking Blu-ray
As good as The Dark Knight looks on Blu-ray it doesn’t exactly explode out of the screen with the wow factor. Get out there and look for something with ridiculously epic effects. Put down that copy ofSuperbad (nobody wants those spotty bastards in HD) and any other over-priced comedy and go and get a copy of the Speed Racer movie (2006). This is what HD is all about, borderline abusive amounts of colour, razor-sharp looks and insane car races on tracks that are just begging to be represented in a video game. The story might get on your nerves a little, but it’s still the most jaw-dropping finest looking HD movie I’ve ever seen. Feel free to recommend your own gorgeous picks in the comments section.
5: Discover Ratchet & Clank
Constantly under the shadow of the bigger exclusives like Uncharted and Killzone, Insomniac’sRatchet & Clank titles are consistently stunning, it’s a wonder they aren’t mentioned in the same circles. The platforming genre has really started to fade in recent years, but these sci-fi interplanetary romps nail it perfectly every time (yes, even Gladiator) thanks to blending jumps with ever inventive weaponry and gadgets. The scripts are always amusing too, mainly thanks to the villains and the cowardly Captain Quark. With rumours of the PS2 games getting the HD remix treatment and the next PS3 game featuring four player co-op, it might be time to get yourself up-to-date with Sony’s best kept secret before all the cool kids do.
6: Explore Fallout 3 / New Vegas
In the post nuclear war scorched world of Fallout the PSN outage will be nothing more than a blink of the eye. Fallout 3 will absorb well over 100 hours of your life on the long road to a Platinum Trophy. I can’t think of any other game you’ll want to play for as long despite the HUGE number of glitches and crashes, especially in the DLC. Fallout: New Vegas isn’t quite as buggy and has seen numerous patches. Even when PSN is down, you can still download patches, so you can feel free to run to the shops and buy one of them right now.
7: Play Mass Effect 2
It would be rude to recommend going and playing on that ‘other’ machine. But there’s nothing to stop you playing the best game on it. With the PS3 version you at least get a huge amount of the DLC 360 customers paid for, plus the added bonus of the game being polished with the Mass Effect 3 engine. Don’t worry about not having played the first game as there’s an interactive comic included which fills you in and creates a tailored save file based on the choices you make. The second game improves the shooting aspects over the original if losing a little customisation depth. If you want an epic space adventure though, you won’t find better.
8: Play local multiplayer
Get some mates around and sort out some old-school local multiplayer. Then wonder why widescreen HD screens like to leave a lot of blank black areas around in random places. Any Call of Duty game will work well, especially any with Zombie modes. You might have less viewing space, but teamwork is so much easier to communicate when you can spot each other’s screens. Other mighty multiplayer efforts include FIFA, Street Fighter IV, Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing or MotorStorm: Apocalypse.
9: Create a cult awaiting the PSN’s return
Fanboyism is for pansies. Why not just go full-on Sonytology mental? Write a book about anyone playing any other console is a heathen and should be stoned and shout at anyone rolling around on Xbox Live like they’re some sort of whore-mongering fiend. Every morning you can lean at the altar of your silent modem, praying for the second coming of the PSN before preparing to go live on your TV show conning Christmas Shopping mothers out of their hard-earned cash to buy your copies of Leisure Suit Larry and Kung Fu Rider. Who knows, it may bring gifts to members who remained faithful. Just prey it doesn’t lead to any world-threatening conflicts that these clubs usually lead to. Being a c**t like Terry Jones (pictured above) doesn’t help either.
10: Or just play with yourself
This is the internet, you work it out. Na I’m kidding, there’s plenty of gamers out there who couldn’t give two shits about playing online, so life has gone a long just fine for them. Although Bin Laden’s possibly the most disappointed person to have his personal details leaked.
So how have you guys coped with PSN’s downtime? What games have you been enjoying or what are you dying to play online again? Don’t forget those Blu-ray recommendations either.